like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
