She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
