I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
a search helicopter?!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.