I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
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I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
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The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs