she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"