Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye