Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.