This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
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you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
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While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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