I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
