You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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