No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
