I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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