I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
