can u get pink eye on your cock?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
