and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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