im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
