just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
