i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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