found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
