I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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