it wasn't lemon gatorade
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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