Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
