While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
