Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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