I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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