evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
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