May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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