Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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