and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
