with your own penis?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
