I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
