He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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