so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
