This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
