6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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