whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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