do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
