i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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