you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize