I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
