Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
