Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
