Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
