P.S. I can't hear my feet
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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