Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
