Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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