Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
