So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
