at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
pray to the hookup gods
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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