Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
