first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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