I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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