Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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