her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
