just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
