I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
