So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
