He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
