I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
