Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
