he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
