You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My hand turned me down
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
