How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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