I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
