at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
