I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
