My hand turned me down
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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